Xinxing Is Raised In Hard Times
I began to practice Falun Dafa in May 1997. I participated in the group appeal to the provincial government. My work unit criticized me and suspended me from work for a week after I was brought back. On August 5th, I was told to go to the thought reform session at the guesthouse of the police bureau, which was sponsored by the city government. At first they wanted us to stay there for 10 days. Because the result of the 10-day study was not satisfactory, they decided to prolong it for another 15 days. We underwent altogether a 25 days session. On October 13, I went to Beijing to plea. I was caught on the train and detained for 15 days. After I was released, both my work and my salary were terminated. I was under house arrest. On November 7, together with more than 20 practitioners, we did a group exercise outside. Seven of us were arrested. On November 12, I came to Beijing by myself. I'm still in Beijing. Having experienced these difficult tests, I feel that I have taken lightly fame, interest and sentimentality, as well as life and death. I'm not afraid of being arrested and put into prison. Even if my head is chopped off; I will still cultivate Dafa. I do not care about being fired from my job or expelled from the party. However, the raising up of Xinxing is a gradual process. On July 22, I went to the provincial government to appeal. I was temporarily relieved of my post for self-examination. I was criticized for a week. When I took this step, I thought that my thirty year job and more than twenty years of my party membership would be finished. I was not prepared for them to put more pressure on me after coming back to work. The head of our bureau was furious. He cursed me in the meeting. I could hardly breath for the language was so abusive, threatening, venomous and slanderous. Purposeful misunderstandings were produced by the people in the meeting towards me. My heart was very heavy in those days. I could not eat and sleep well. Later the Directors and Assistant Directors of local Falun Dafa Assistant Centers went on TV, one after another, to declare that they no longer practiced Falun Gong. Some of them even turned on Dafa and denounced Dafa. What was going on? I was totally lost. It was hard to distinguish the truth from the lies. Nevertheless, I deeply believed one thing, that is, that Falun Dafa advocates Zhen (truth) Shan (compassion) and Ren (tolerance). It has revealed all the truth of life, the universe and cultivation. It saves people and helps people to return to their original state. It improves both peoples' minds and bodies and helps people to become kind. The road I took was absolutely the right one. We simply can not trust those who are in power and politics judging from our experiences in past decades. I can not recant, nor can I say any bad words about Dafa. I can not betray my belief and our respected teacher. A few days later, I went to talk to the head of the bureau. I said, "I was very clear about the current situation. You do not have to worry about me and waste your time and energy. I hope you will use your energy for your work. As for my future, I will be responsible for myself. You can fire me. I can do some manual labor. It is only a little bit hard and tiring. I'm a man. I will not die of hunger. Ironically, on that day, I was told to go back to my work and wait for their decision. An interesting thing is three people from my company got very sick, one after another, after what happened to me. They were all hospitalized. This has never happened before in my work unit. A director from a local police station who was very harsh to the Falun Gong practitioners fell into a swimming pool and broke his neck. A former Assistant Director from a Falun Dafa Assistance Center told us that he was forced to make the declaration on TV. Later two practitioners whose third eyes are open told him that when he appeared on TV, they saw there was a Swastika in the middle of his chest; there was a light pillar and a pagoda on top of his head. But after he declared that he would no longer practice Falun Gong, they all disappeared. He was shocked and then understood that he did something very wrong. The next day he wasted no time to rescind his statement and announced that he would continue to practice Falun Gong. Cultivation practice is very serious. On August 5th, I participated in the thought reform session at the guesthouse of the public security bureau. The city government went to a lot of trouble, sending more than 10 military policemen and 110 patrol policemen to "protect" us. It was decided that we could not do the exercise and read the book, nor could we visit each other or go outside. More than 30 officials from the committee of politics and law, public security bureau, personnel department, propaganda department, party disciplinary committee, and work unit party committee all came to help "educate" us. It was said that they planned to have two people help each practitioner. In addition, they also invited some specialists from the science committee, the sports committee, the party school and medical school as well as some former directors from Falun Gong Assistance Center who betrayed Dafa and some of our relatives to try to lecture us. Some of the relatives were also asked to persuade us. In the end, they made the comment that the more sessions we had the more determined we were. Those thought reform sessions were examples of how tests were arranged by our benevolent Master Li in order to raise our Xinxing. Usually we were not allowed to see each other after the ban. Now we all came to one place, living daily life together, without going to work on different jobs, we had much more time to communicate with each other and study and practice Falun Gong together. I feel that I have progressed much more in twenty-five days than a year under normal circumstances. I experienced rapid changes both in my Xinxing and in my body. I began to "release karma" the fifth day after I was forced to attend the "thought reform session". I had high fever accompanied by massive perspiration, cold, and constant diarrhea that occurred twenty times. I found chunks of blood in my bowel movements the last few times. I also slept for 2 days. During this period, the secretary of the Committee of Politics and Law, the deputy director of the Public Security Bureau, the director of the Personnel Department, and the secretary of the Disciplinary Committee of the Communist Party all took turns to talk with me and ask me whether I had come to any result concerning thought reform. My answer was, "Falun Dafa is the most righteous and highest truth in the universe. It can expose all the mysteries and rectify people's hearts." They asked me: "you said that what appeared on the TV and the newspapers were all false stories. What about the stories told by those who have recanted. They can not be faked." I said, "Negative examples are everywhere. There are more corrupt people nowadays than ever before. How can you expect people to learn from them?" I pointed out the suffering that our country had endured in many of the political movements that took place in the last few decades, as the people in politics always do, in teaching others about politics in China. Those movements were all later denounced as disastrous to the country. The same will happen to the ban on Falun Dafa and the persecution of Falun Gong practitioners. They are all wrong. I also told them the purpose of our cultivation is to cultivate our hearts. We promote Dafa in an open and righteous way. Finally, the secretary of the Committee of Politics and Law said:" I admit what you said is somewhat rational. I have read you teacher's book. I admit that sometimes what is said in the book is reasonable. But you are only allowed to practice at home. You cannot go out to practice because our state has banned it. You cannot associate with other practitioners. Can you promise that?" I said "I will do what I want to do. You can arrest me. That is your own business. We go our own way. What you banned is not necessarily bad, what you sanctioned is not necessarily good. A good example is the success of economic reform in rural China after the adoption of reform and the open-door policy. How did it become so successful? It is because people did something, which was not allowed by our government. At that time, people from a people's commune, Da Zhai, and a production brigade conducted land contracts by taking the risk that their heads might be chopped off. Later on what they did was recognized and promoted to the rest of the country. He said:" Then you will have to deal with the public security bureau quite often. It is not an easy thing to do." In "Verification", Master Li said:" As a practitioner, you should make use of all favorable conditions to spread the Great Law and prove that the Great Law is correct, is the real science, not metaphysical teachings, which is the obligation of every practitioner." In the thought reform sessions, we all conducted ourselves according to Master Li's instruction. They did not change us, instead, we changed them in various degrees. A deputy director from the Personnel Department said:" It seems to me that your cultivation is a lot deeper than it appears. I went to the public security bureau especially to get a copy of "Zhuan Falun" to read. I have not finished yet." A section chief who was responsible for our cases said: "In my opinion, we can dismiss all people in charge here. I can take care of everything by myself because I trust you whole-heartedly. You are not bad people." He also returned my book that had been taken away from me. When I refused to read defamatory articles about Dafa in the papers, he said: "Oh, I forgot you can not read that. You can not repeat those words". When he was asked to read those articles, he also refused. Instead, he found a staff person from his section to read them. In "Position", Master Li said: "The trials that a practitioner goes through are trials that ordinary people cannot bear. Therefore, historically, those who were able to succeed in cultivation and achieve Completion (Yuanman) were few and far between. Human beings are just human beings. On critical occasions it is very hard for them to give up their human mentalities, but they always find excuses to convince themselves. Yet, in the midst of crucial tests, a great cultivator is able to give up his ego and all of his ordinary human thinking. I congratulate those Dafa cultivators who have made it through the tests that determine whether or not they can achieve Completion (Yuanman). The eternity in which your lives are unending and the level where you will be in the future--these you establish yourselves. Mighty virtues are cultivated by you yourselves. So strive forward. This is the greatest and most magnificent thing." "Desire nothing in life, leave no regrets upon death. It is not difficulty to become a Buddha if you give up all worldly desires" Nothing can stop you from cultivating if you are determined to be a Falun practitioner. You can let go of all worldly things. You can take it upon yourself to safeguard and protect Falun Dafa when it is being suppressed and damaged. You will not think about yourself, have no fear, hate or regret if you uphold Dafa as the most important thing and safeguard it with your whole heart. Protecting Dafa is a better way to cultivate oneself. Therefore, I believe that I will have no fear or regret whether I am in or out of prison in Beijing, or whether I organize group practices or come to Beijing again. |