By a Practitioner in Jiangxi Province

(Clearwisdom.net) I should do my best to follow Teacher's requirements, eradicate the old forces' arrangements, let go of all of my attachments, and do the three things well with righteous thoughts and conduct.

I was greatly enlightened and encouraged after reading "Clearwisdom Weekly," an indispensable part of my cultivation. I was especially moved and touched by Chinese Dafa practitioners' experience sharing articles published in the most recent two issues. The many excellent articles fully demonstrated the high level cultivation accomplished by following Teacher's righteous Fa principles.

I was once encouraged by a fellow Dafa practitioner whose path of cultivation resembled mine closely, and I felt I should write my own thoughts. Sharing cultivation experiences on "Clearwisdom Weekly" accomplishes the goal of helping each other, drawing lessons from one another, and raising our levels together.

My own path of cultivation resembled that of another practitioner, and I only wished that I could cultivate as well as she did. I had been puzzled as to why my own situation was so unusual before reading her article. I was very diligent after obtaining the Fa in 1998. I suffered the "sleepy syndrome" after I started to study the Fa. I ended up studying while I kept walking and slapping my head until I finished one lecture. Later, I felt thirsty while studying the Fa. The feeling was so uncomfortable and I really wanted to drink some water. Yet I refused to go along and resisted being interfered with by the "thirst demon" in my Fa study. I finally passed these two tests after a few rounds.

Other than the usual group Fa study, I studied the Fa at home by reading six lectures each day. A large amount of Fa principles were revealed to me and I understood the meaning of cultivation in Dafa and the principles of how to cultivate. During that period, I made a rapid breakthrough, virtually passing a test every week. I could see my physical transformation and health improve.

In a scant seven months the persecution started. I felt so sad and pained watching the slander of Dafa on TV. There must be a mistake, how can a government be so preposterous? I went to Beijing in July 1999 to clarify the truth. I went to the Public Security Bureau to explain the purpose of my visit. The result was quite good after I affirmed the benefit of cultivation in Dafa to them. At least I made them observe Dafa from a positive perspective. My experience was that as long as we validate the Fa with pure hearts, the effect of clarifying the truth is generally good. I did not suffer any torture. I believe it was due to my pure heart that was without any other strenuous thoughts, nor any hatred towards anyone. I just told them that Dafa is good, and that they should not treat Dafa and practitioners this way. I went to Beijing again in 2000. This time my wages were stopped. I went to the responsible department to tell them the truth, with compassionate and rational conduct to show them that Dafa is good. I ended up collecting all of my wages, not losing a cent. My daughter was persecuted for two years, and as her mother I went to each of the responsible departments, asking for her release and clarifying the truth. The result was quite good.

Through my own conduct, I felt that as long as our hearts are pure and we truly try to think about others, the evil old forces cannot raise their ferocious, ugly heads. I did not suffer any torture after I accomplished all of my tasks. My local practitioners even rumored that I was an agent since I had a good relationship with the authorities. They refused to get close to me. I believe the real safety lies in the righteous thoughts in our hearts, truly understanding the principles of Dafa and its profound and bondless magnificence, and applying them at will. It was not something that was either out of reach, or grand and spectacularly intense.

Teacher stated in "Teaching and Explaining the Fa at the Metropolitan New York Fa Conference,"

"Wherever a problem arises, that's where you need to clarify the facts. No matter what the end result will be, through doing this you will have chances to interact with more people and you'll clarify the facts on a large scale. Under normal circumstances you don't have the opportunity--if you just pull someone over to tell them the facts you might feel a bit awkward, right? Now that you have something to do, go and tell people." ("Teaching and Explaining the Fa
at the Metropolitan New York Fa Conference")

The Fa taught by Teacher is the best instrument in our efforts to validate the Fa. We can apply it well only if we study the Fa well.

Nevertheless, I was puzzled as to why it was so difficult for me to validate the Fa at home when it was so effortless outside of my home. There was a similarity between me and that practitioner who'd written the article in "Clearwisdom Weekly." We were both married, our environments at home were similar, as was our plight, and even our ages were very similar. Both of us tried to be kind and tolerant. We took care of all of the household chores and did not have much to say on family issues. Adding the situation of my child being persecuted because of her cultivation in Dafa, one can imagine how difficult it was at home. It was during this period that the infamous "Tiananmen Square Self Immolation" incident took place. Every government organization, friends and relatives all came to accuse me and labeled me with every conceivable allegation, such as "even a hideous tiger wouldn't eat its own cub, but you are worse than a tiger, you pushed your child to the brink of disaster." Pressure from home and from outsiders was mounting. On Chinese New Year's eve, I worked hard to invite my husband's family to my home for dinner. After dinner the whole family condemned and scolded me. My daughter could not come home to celebrate the New Year with us, and had to endure life in prison. They charged that I should have gone to be jailed at the prison since it was me who caused all of this.

I resolved many misunderstandings through clarifying the truth to government organizations, friends, and relatives. But it did not work at home. Sometimes, when my righteous thoughts were lacking, I thought my life would be easier in prison. But this is a bad thought and I must not have such notions. Teacher said in Hong Yin II, "No Obstacles,"

"Cultivation paths are different
Yet all are within Dafa..."

(Provisional translation subject to improvement)

I felt my main tribulation was at home. My husband did not allow me to practice at home or to speak out for Dafa. Clarifying the truth would earn me harsh treatment. I was sworn at and beaten by him when I tried to fight for the right to practice Dafa at home. My husband told me that I hurt his feelings. He questioned how could I still think about practice while our daughter was in prison.

I knew in my heart that my cultivation would never stop, regardless of what happened. I solemnly declared to my husband, that regardless of how he would deal with the family issue, I would never give up my cultivation. Now, he could see my determination. Without expressing his final attitude, he pretended to not pay attention when I was doing my exercises. I would not let him see any of my Fa study materials, and I left all the household chores that I needed to do until he came home, since the time when he was not at home was very precious. Once I had the determination to cultivate (at home), Teacher made the appropriate arrangements. Initially, I was not quite ready to face this arrangement. Early on, because my refusal to give up cultivation hurt my husband's feelings, he started to spend more time at dance clubs. He even had good dance partners. I started to feel bad. During that period of time I felt so hurt that I could hardly fall asleep at night, and I was ready to give up my cultivation. I started to intensify my Fa study, reciting Teacher's "Expounding on the Fa" over and over, as well as Teacher's articles on giving up the attachment of sentimentality. But it was still difficult to really give it up in my heart.

I thought to myself that I could always face the evil with dignity, openness and authenticity, yet was I going to fail in this tribulation and drop in my level? Again, through Fa study, I asked myself, "What is more important and vital to me, cultivation in Dafa, or attachment to sentimentality? Which part is more heavily weighted? Decide!" Only then could I control my sentimentality. Once it was under control, I looked back and saw that it was really nothing but a test of my character. Furthermore, I must thank my husband's dance partner since she provided this cultivation environment. Come to think about it, it was really so insignificant and meaningless. The things humans are most attached to are, in fact, the most useless.

Still, there was no clear and sure Fa study environment at home. This state maintained to this day without a solution. I tried to send forth righteous thoughts to eradicate the evil factors controlling him from behind, but I dropped my efforts after a few days without seeing any improvement. I was helpless to him. I did not raise my character in this issue. Among ordinary people he overwhelmed me, and I felt I could not save him.

After I finished writing my experience, I could see that I still had a lot of attachments to sentimentality, fear, and seeking comfort. I was afraid of the uncomfortable feeling of being rejected, and being cursed or beaten when speaking to him face to face. I was attached to living an easier life if I did not have to clarify the truth to him. I did not have the all-encompassing compassion for all sentient beings. This mental state was not easy to correct. I am a Dafa practitioner and I came here to assist Teacher in saving sentient beings. However difficult all of these were, it would all be for this one opportunity. I must do well according to Teacher's requirements, eradicate the old forces' arrangements, let go of all of my attachments, and do well the three things with righteous thoughts and conduct.

November 22 2005

Posting date: 12/20/2005
Original article date: 12/20/2005
Category: Practitioners' Insights
Chinese version available at http://minghui.org/mh/articles/2005/11/24/115050.html

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