(Minghui.org) I started practicing Falun Dafa in 1996 but I’ve stumbled many times. From my superficial understanding of the Fa at the beginning, to gradually becoming mature, my entire cultivation journey has been filled with Master’s compassion and care.
Mei began practicing more than 20 years ago and I met her in June 2023. My “self” mentality (ego) that I formed over the years was provoked when we worked together, and many attachments I thought I already eliminated surfaced.
We began coordinating when I saw Mei’s court case. I wrote reports to expose the persecution, and I noticed Mei sued the relevant government agency for illegally withholding her pension. There was no report about her case on the Minghui website however. When we learned about it and sent righteous thoughts, the case was about to be heard in the intermediate court.
Many practitioners had been sentenced and their pensions were withheld by the Chinese Communist Party (CCP). From the Fa, we know that this is a form of the persecution by the old forces, and it must be negated. I realized I neglected Mei’s case, and I didn’t do well what Master asked us to do, which was to expose the evil deeds in the region and dismantle the persecution.
Master already arranged everything. I had not met Mei, but when I had the wish to write a report, I was able to quickly get in touch with her. She provided me with the relevant documents and asked me to help organize them into a report to be posted online.
A few days later, I finished the report and sent it to Mei. She was satisfied and just made a few small changes. It was later published on Minghui. We both felt good about our collaboration and I naturally got involved in her court case.
In order to clarify the truth about the case Ying and I began mailing letters to relevant officials. During the process, we clearly felt that there was interference from other dimensions which hindered the officials from understanding the truth, so we sent righteous thoughts to eliminate it.
But I was severely interfered with during the process. I felt depressed, irritable, and nauseated, and I even argued with Ying. I knew that even though it was interference, my own issues must be at play. But I couldn’t find my fundamental attachments.
Mei said the reason I was interfered with was because of my own issues. The interference sometimes last for one or two hours, and it greatly affected my thoughts. I sent righteous thoughts, but it had little effect. I no longer felt confident that I could continue helping with Mei’s case.
In her email, Mei again pointed out that I should look inside. I couldn’t take it any longer. I felt depressed and I wept. Ying also reminded me that I should carefully examine myself. I calmed down and reflected on myself. I was able to distinguish the bad emotions caused by the “self” being impacted, but why did I lose confidence and no longer want to go forward?
In fact, I recently started obsessing over the detours I experienced while I was sent to the labor camp. I wondered why I was stuck and kept thinking about things that happened in the past. The heart-piercing regret and shame from those past experiences made me feel so bad that I could no longer bear it. Although I tried hard not to think about the past, I couldn’t let it go. I felt I was not worthy or qualified to participate in projects with other practitioners. I even felt I should only do things on my own. That way, I wouldn’t bring bad factors to other practitioners, and I wouldn’t have to deal with so much interference. But I knew that pulling out of Mei’s case wasn’t the right thing to do.
I tried to calm down and study the Fa. Master’s teachings awakened me, and I no longer felt down or depressed. But I still felt there was something deeply-rooted in me that I hadn’t eliminated.
I continued to look inside. Why couldn’t I let go of my past mistakes that were preventing me from extricating myself from regret? Why did I always think I wasn’t worthy of participating? Why did the old forces exacerbate these notions and try to force me to withdraw from the case?
While I read the Fa I saw the following words: “Master will recognize you!” (“Fa Teaching at the 2016 New York Fa Conference” Collected Fa Teachings, Vol. XIV)
I immediately understood: I did not sincerely believe in Master and the Fa.
How does truly believing in Master and the Fa manifest? To believe in Master and the Fa means to firmly believe in Master and surrender everything to Master. No matter how great the tribulations or hardships we encounter, we should not have the slightest doubt in Master and the Fa.
The reason I was still attached to my past mistakes and regrets was that even though Master told us many times, I did not fully believe that Master was looking after me.
The fact I couldn’t let go of my past mistakes was also a form of being obsessed with “self,” and it was reflected by my feeling inferior and regretful. These are even more likely to be utilized by the old forces. They used these notions to trap me and make me lose righteous faith so I did not feel worthy of doing things with other practitioners and I would eventually leave the group.
The old forces wanted to use this method to destroy my will and make me lose my righteous thoughts and confidence in cultivation. Once I realized there was something wrong with my fundamental belief in Master and the Fa, I felt the factors that had been isolating my life from the Fa were completely eliminated, and my “true self” merged with the Fa. Firm righteous thoughts arose in my heart, and any bad factors must be eliminated.
I realized Master’s painstaking arrangements to give me hints. If I hadn’t met Mei, I wouldn’t have discovered this mutated mentality rooted in my attachment to self. I wouldn’t have realized that I had problems in the most basic aspect of my cultivation - believing in Master and the Fa. After realizing this, Mei and I cooperated very well, and at the same time, I felt that Master helped us eliminate many interfering factors. The pension case is now moving forward smoothly.
Master said,
“Whatever you do, do it well. In the process of doing things, what’s looked at is your hearts, not your success itself. In the process of doing things you can save people! Your process of doing things is also a process of you elevating in cultivation, which, at the same time, plays the role of saving sentient beings! It is not that only if you succeed in doing that thing can you play the role of saving sentient beings.” (“Fa Teaching at the 2016 New York Fa Conference” Collected Fa Teachings, Vol. XIV)
Master’s teachings made it clear that it’s important to do what we should do and do it well.
I now truly feel that Master’s arrangements are the best for each of us. We just need to follow Master’s arrangements and do well. When our human notions and attachments are touched upon, the most important thing is to completely believe in Master and the Fa, and get through the tribulations. Only then will we find that what Master has given us is the best.
If anything is not in accordance with the Fa, please kindly point it out.
Thank you Master! Thank you fellow practitioners!
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Category: Improving Oneself
